Driving a metal
box to a sanctioned campsite is a far romantic cry from a yurt, a camel and
wilderness without footprints, but this is modern America. Buffalo no longer
roam the plains. Rodents and bugs are the last free range creatures.
I called friends
who are currently motoring around Utah in a small RV that they bought second
hand and fixed up. People who travel with them sleep in a tent outside.
Leveling is done with blocks of wood, hand operated jacks, crawling in the dirt
and most likely colorful expletives. When I reached my Dutch friend she was
back in cell phone range at a campsite near Bryce Canyon. They had parked their
modest camper next to a motor home sizable enough to provide shade. Their travel companions were also from the Netherlands. The exchange with their
neighbors started out promising, but went south fast.
The occupants of the rolling mansion offered a tour and my friends did not hesitate. Who
wouldn’t want to see inside? Automated push button self-leveling was to be
admired, but that might be where the envy ended. Under the counter lighting,
four large TV’s all playing FOX news including the one mounted on the outside
defied a spirit of adventure. His brother had purchased the same vehicle
at a quantity discount. The owner of the giant RV inquired about the visiting couple’s
occupations. Which is one way of determining status in America, but there could
have been another reason. He was amazed that anyone could sleep in a
tent outside of an RV. He must have wanted an explanation, but didn’t get one.
The tent dwellers didn’t admit to being doctors either.
One of the Dutch people asked, “Is the
budget crisis going to be resolved”, because they were concerned that national
parks might be closed. The question had nothing to do with politics, but the
response gave the foreign traveler’s a taste of America similar to chewing on
aluminum foil. The owner of the large footprint, gas guzzling, broadcaster of
mainstream crap news, self-leveling, ambient lit, wilderness experience
behemoth blurted out, “Once we get that monkey out of the White House
everything will go back to normal.”
I pictured my friend’s faces while they stood
in the belly of the beast listening to a derogatory, hypocrite’s opinion. It’s
a free country so I would also add, fucking asshole. My friends must have
needed a monumental amount of self-control not burst out laughing or take issue.
And it gets
better. The mammoth RV had the name “Dutch Star” plastered across the side and their
shit drain pipe was connected to a sewer outlet directly under the picnic table
where actual Dutch people sat for dinner. Welcome to America, which apparently
used to be normal.
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